Several years ago, we visited some good friends in Atlanta. We got a sitter one night so the grown-ups could go out. After eating at the lively Yacht Club (an ironic name; they serve tater tots) in Little Five Points, we walked over to Star Bar to hear a rockabilly band. As we strolled along, we saw that a tattoo parlor was open, so we walked inside to look around. It must have been about 9 or 10pm.
One of our friends — let’s call him Randy — meandered around the shop and stopped by a group of very young women cheering their friend on about her tattoo selection. She held up a picture from the book of choices and told the tattoo artist: “This one.” It was a big black bat, with its wings stretched out. The guy asked her where and she put her palm half on her face and half on her neck.
That’s when Randy could no longer be quiet. He tried to say something to the group without seeming like a creepy older man listening to their conversation. “Hey, couldn’t help but overhear, and I gotta ask… are you sure about this? Maybe you want to think it over tonight and come back tomorrow?” At this, the young woman looked a little unsure, but seemed to try to buoy up her confidence. She pointed to the group: “My friends like it.”
Randy raised his eyebrows and used his most persuasive voice: “Well, if your friends are encouraging you to get a bat tattoo on your face, um, maybe they’re not your real friends.” This comment resulted in glares from the group. And then the proprietor promptly asked us to leave. Which actually makes me feel kind of cool because I’ve never gotten kicked out of anywhere else.
But, I’ve got to hand it to Randy, he makes a good point. Most of us probably are not put in such cut and dry situations as a bat-on-the-face tattoo. But in what other moments with our friends are we not helping to offer honest opinions and guidance? And hey, no judgment here if a big face and neck tattoo is how you want to fly your freak flag. But it seemed wise counsel to say, are you sure? Maybe doing it at night, maybe with alcohol involved, might night be the best time to make such a permanent choice. If your friend directly asks you for your opinion or advice, what do you say? Do you sugar-coat it and tell him what you think he wants to hear?
Even more, what about when your friend doesn’t ask for your advice, but you think she needs to hear some of it. Not that anyone wants to have a judgmental nag as her friend, but surely there are times in a friendship when you feel the need to express an opinion about a choice your friend is making. I hope we feel close enough to our good friends to offer loving, honest advice. And if I find myself wandering into a tattoo parlor one rollicking evening, I hope I have a Randy there.
Footnote: All this talk of bats reminds me of one of the greatest comedic scenes ever, from The Office. Dwight tries to catch a bat that’s loose in the workplace. If you have time, do yourself a favor and watch the whole clip, or fast-forward to 4:15.